Pursuit of Happiness or Happiness of Pursuit

January 27, 2007

Happiness. The most overrated goal of every individual. ‘I just want to be happy.’ That’s what we always say. We joke around Kung san ka Masaya, suportahan ta ka! We tell a friend Kung di ka na masaya, umalis ka na. I say ‘I’m not happy anymore’ and the thing next I know I’m depressed. I want to leave and take refuge somewhere.

In the movie Pursuit of Happiness, Thomas Jefferson was quoted twice for using the phrase Pursuit of Happiness twice in the Declaration of Independence. The main character wondered why put pursuit instead of plain happiness. And so he questions, is happiness something you simply pursue but you cannot actually achieve? Is it?

A friend told me that I never seem to be really happy that’s why I keep on leaving a good job. I may be always have the bubbliest friends and the contagious laughter on my exterior but inside me is a heart that will never be contented. Perhaps, there’s truth in that. Perhaps that is why I like the phrase ‘thrill of the chase’. I just want to pursue happiness but once having it, I realize I don’t really want it because, then what? I like the quest, the search. The less you have, the more you look forward to something. It’s the chase and the pursuit that I’m after, not the happiness itself.

I watch Ally McBeal series and I always wonder why Billy left Ally in the first place. They were each other’s love of their lives. Billy left Ally because he knew that Ally would never be happy even with him. Truth is, I hate Ally everytime she feels that she is the biggest failure in the world. But, maybe, I am just like her. Ever-complaining how sorry my life turned out with the random panic attacks of underachievement.

But what do we know? I’m having a great time and I don’t even know it. I’m having the time of my life in my own happiness of pursuit or maybe pursuit of happiness. Whichever!

murphy’s law

January 16, 2007

If things can go wrong, they will… or so there is the Murphy’s Law. Talking about bad luck! Whenever things my way go wrong, I always say to myself: this is all part of the learning process. Things happen for a reason. But now, I come to think that a better way of explaining it is Murphy’s Law. Accidents are inevitable. Life is ironic. You don’t get what you deserve. You don’t deserve what you get. Karma works in mysterious ways. You always give your best shot, but at the end of the day, things still suck. And they do so big time!

Flashback: I was very sleepy which is quite rare these days so I snoozed for the nth time so I can steal a few more minutes of alcohol-drug-free true sleep. I was running late but I cared no less until when I tripped down the stairs. Imagine about eight steps in the stairs. Taena! Tagos sa bone marrows ng pigi ko ang sakit. Minamalas nga naman!

Let bygones be bygones. I may sound exaggerating here of making a building out of eight steps in the stairs. But seriously, don’t those I-didn’t-see-that-coming instances just ruin your things-are-getting better days. In the end, it’s the small dot in the whole picture that you see.

Anyway, here I am talking about how unfair life can be when in fact I don’t want to dare nature to give me what I truly deserve. Who knows, what I truly deserve is falling from the top of the building? Life sometimes suck but it’s just the way it is. Cheers to Murphy!

Ako ang kapitbahay, kapitbahay mo

January 12, 2007

Ako ang kapitbahay, kapitbahay mo

Laging handang tumulong sa inyo

Kilala nyo ako

Kilala nyo ako

Ako’y isa sa kapitbahay

Kapitbahay ninyo

 

Repeat 10 times until fade

 

Ang security guard sa opisina:

Ako ang power-trip na nagbabantay sa opisina nyo. OA ako maghalungkat ng gamit kaya kahit make-up kit e pinabubuksan ko pa. Lagi rin ako naghahabol ng mga tao na papasok at lalabas para patunugin ang hi-tech baston ko. Alam ko naman na wala kang maipupuslit in between your breaks. Wala lang. Gusto ko lang mafeel na kakaiba ang paraphernalia ko kasi yung ibang mga sikyu, kahoy lang ang pototoy nila. Minsan, trip ko rin gumawa ng incident report. Minsan lang yon. Hayaan nyo na ko, mahirap naman kasi ang trabaho ko. Ang magpalipas ng oras sa kawalan. Wala kasing internet ang PC sa lobby. Minesweeper lang ang laro e di ko naman alam ang relevance ng mga bomba na yan.

 

Ang security guard sa mall/MRT station/etc:

Ako ang infamous guard na dinadaan-daanan nyo araw-araw. Actually, di ko naman talaga alam ang hahanapin ko sa tuwing kinakalkal ko ang mga bags nyo dahil kung gusto nyong magdala ng bomba, siguro naman ay hindi nyo yon ilalagay sa isang box na may pangalang BOMBA INSIDE-HANDLE WITH CARE. Pero, masisisi nyo ba ako? Ha? Ha? Ha? Katulad ng mga kumpare kong sikyu sa OSMA, nag-iintay lang kami ng oras sa kawalan. Buti pa nga sila may Minesweeper.

 

Ang taxi driver:

Ako ang laging nakatutok sa love radio Balahura at Balasubas tuwing umaga. Sila lang kasi ang bumabati sa aming mga taxi driver. Yang kasing si DJ Mo, panay si Cristry Fermin ang bukambibig e mas may social relevance naman kaming mga drivers. Minsan, kapag kailangang-kailangan nyo kami, wala kami at pag di nyo kami kailangan e nagkalit kami. Wala lang, nangpipikon lang.  

 

Ang tindera sa mini-stop/7-eleven/Jewel24 (naks kasali talaga ang Jewel24):

Syempre kilala nyo kami dahil sa sandamakmak na convenient things na mabibili niyo samen. Convenient store nga. Actually, di ko alam kung bakit kami napasali dito. Pero isha-share ko na rin na libre talaga ang extra gravy, spoon and fork, styro samen pero dun na lang kami makakabawi e kasi wala kaming night differential at wala kaming holiday. Nakakaawa naman kami. Yung fried wanton, lima dapat yon, binabawasan talaga namin ang serving ng isang piraso lagi para sa sariling pagnanasa.

 

Ang yosi vendor:

Ako ang minsan inuutangan nyo ng pa-piso-piso tapos sasabihin nyo na mamaya nyo na lang idadaan ang bayad kasi kulang ang barya nyo pero siyempre makakalimutan nyo. Marami na rin ang nasira ang buhay dahil sa akin. Yung iba nasa lung center na. Yung iba naman wala nang trabaho kasi lagi na lang na-overbreak.

 

Repeat 10 times til 2865489 decibels

 

Ako ang kapitbahay, kapitbahay mo

Laging handang tumulong sa inyo

Kilala nyo ako

Kilala nyo ako

Ako’y isa sa kapitbahay

Kapitbahay ninyo

 

Alamin ang numerology ng name mo at bilangin paulit-ulit ang mga nasabing kapitbahay. Kung san tumigil ang numero mo ay ganon ka sa next life mo. Be good! Matakot ka sa karma!

karma ko: sleeping disorder

January 11, 2007

Before, when people complain about insomnia or getting a hard time to sleep, I had nothing to contribute except that I didn’t have it. My problem would have to be oversleeping. I could sleep in my workstation. I could sleep in the tricycle (Imagine Calamba crossing to Turbina kung saan kasalubong ko ang naglalakihang mga truck at bus. Wala akong pakelam!). I could sleep in the bus going to Batangas (Nakakarating pa ako ng Pier dahil sa sobrang tulog!). I could sleep the whole weekend at meals lang ang pahinga! Before, di ko maintindihan bakit nahihirapan matulog sa umaga ang graveyard shift peeps. Well.. define oversleeping! May eyebags ako dahil sa pamamaga ng mata ko sa sobrang borlog.

Ngunit, subalit, datapwat ngayon ay napakalaki na ng problema ko! Di na ko makatulog. OK lang naman sana ang 4-6 hours of sleep a day KUNG marami ka talagang gagawin at wala ka talagang time matulog ngunit mga shofatid, imajinin nyo naman na magigising ako sa gitna ng napakababaw kong tulog at nakamulaga lang ako sa kawalan. Walang ginagawa kundi intaying dalawin ng antok. Na-isip ko na lahat ng pwedeng isipin para makatulog. Nagbilang nako ng sheep. hehe… Naimajin ko na lahat ng posibleng scenario na pwedeng ma-assassinate si GMA. Naiisip ko na lahat ng pwedeng summer escapades ngunit wala. WALA. WALA pa rin!

Di ko alam kung kulang lang ako sa alcohol o kung anuman! At eto, ngayon ay sleeping pill dependent na ako. As in 2 sleeping pills a day! At masaklap neto e nagigising pa rin ang lola mo! I tried using an eyepad (lemme call it Ipad..hehe) with matching drawing ng mata pa. Nagfresh milk na rin ako. Nagbabawas na ko ng yosi. Di na ko nagsosoftdrinks at kape. Ang saklap na di ba?

Anong meron ang taong happy?! More energy mas happy! E wala na ko energy lage. Di na happy!

Sa mga makakabasa nito, pakiforward sa mga nagagalit saken. Eto na! DUMATING NA ANG KARMA ko… ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

destiny of density?

January 10, 2007

Disclaimer: Mahirap intindihan ang entry na to. Kahit ako hindi ko alam ang pinagsususulat ko. hahaha Wala akong pake! Blog ko to!

Destiny. It’s one of my favorite words. It might sound overrated but I grew up liking Only You, Chances Are, Serendipity. Surreal as it may sound but admittedly or not, all of us just want to have that moment. We are all hopeless romantics but we have different ways of releasing these energies. For me, as strong-willed as I may appear, when we talk of One Great Love, my heart just jumps of excitement thinking and hoping that somewhere down the road, the man of my dreams, my Dawan, my Destiny, will be there and all the wait, the hardships, the frogs I’ve kissed won’t matter because there in the end is my prince.

Reality check! Destiny isn’t working for me anymore. It’s now density — because I find everything to be a freaking cosmic joke. Why am I always at the wrong place at the wrong time? Or is it just the wrong thing?

Vote now and be counted. Text EMCEE (SPACE) DESTINY or DENSITY to 0917-XXX-XXXX. The 523rd tester will receive a Family Computer and a 1000 games in 1 tape.

On a second thought, I don’t like confrontations anyway. Closure is overrated. hahaha.