when was the last time you did something for the first time?

March 12, 2007

March 12, 2007 

This is a very catchy questions in last year’s Starbucks planner. If you happen to pop this question a week ago, I would have taken me quite a time to answer. I might not even answer. But lo and behold, last weekend I did many things for the first time. Good for me!

It has been part of my 2007 re-SOUL-utions to travel alone. With all the summer plans(read: no much time and money left) I was quite pessimistic that I can push through this idea anytime soon. But I read a thread in GTalk regarding traveling alone. Since there was nothing planned for the weekend, I decided that it will be the time that I will travel alone in a new place I’ve never been before.

“No man should go through life without once experiencing healthy, even bored solitude in the wilderness, finding himself, depending solely on himself and thereby learning his true and hidden strengths.”

Of course there were many drawback the last minute. I was too sleepy to prepare. Plus there are still many books to read. DVDs to watch. Room to clean. The money I can  use to buy a good pair of swimsuit instead. Also, there are only a few people: Michele, Maui, Jo-Ann and Marilyn who knew I had this plan and it’s not really a big disappoinment for them if I didn’t continue. But I decided to push through. Now or Never. If I don’t do it and wait for another free weekend to come, I may never have the drive or the sponteneity spirit.

So, off I went to Cubao with books in hand. Boarded a Dagupan bus and went to visit the Our Lady of Manaoag Church. It was not your typical-back-pack travel. Just some lone time to contemplate, think, feel that your time is really YOUR time.

Why Manaoag? Well, no particular reason really other than it’s a travel I can do in a day. No more bookings or overnight things to pack.

It was a very self-liberating experience (plus the thought that I proved something to those who challenged me…hehe). It was not really a spell-bounding scenery. I guess, the special part for me was when I prayed with all my heart’s content. There were many people there all praying, perhaps thanking, atoning for some sins, wishing, wishing, wishing and wishing. When I was lighting candles I really had no particular wishes in mind. Honestly, I’m really scared of making wishes. They might just come true when I needed otherwise. So I just prayed for what I felt my friends are praying for themselves.

But I realized all I wanted, like the rest of those who paid respect there, is the sense of hope that there lies something better waiting for me. It’s just all about keeping the faith and having the hope burning. As Matthew 11:24 says: Whatever you ask for in prayers, believe that you have received it and it will be yours. This is my favorite passage since grade school .

Whatever I had thought, learned, questioned, did over that trip I could have done some other time somewhere else but I’m thankful anyway that I did it.

all-time-faves rants

March 6, 2007

This morning, I was listening to 89.9’s Good Times with Mo. Every Tuesday they have a strip contest. I don’t have a thing for strip contests (not listening to them, live pa siguro..haha) but the hosts are just so hilarious. Anyway, this morning, they had a Strip Movie Trivia Contest. Actually, it hit me when they asked callers their fave movie of all time. My roommate and I were both listening so we ended up asking each other what our fave movie of all time is and I could not answer instantly.

I cannot answer my favorite movie of all time and this not apply alone to movies. Last week, Tin asked what my favorite restaurant is and I could not give her a specific place. Ang babaw ko pero I was bothered by the thought that I’m already 23 yet I don’t know what simple things I really want in life. Para akong hipong dinadala na lang ng agos. Kamusta naman sa analogy? Gusto ko may maisagot ako everytime may nagtatanong saken. And I don’t want plain-at-least-I-gave-answers type. 

I often complain everytime my friends answer “Kahit san” or “OK lang” when the perennial problem of where to eat arises. Come to think of it, ganon din ako. Nakakapikon ako! I remember the movie ‘Runaway Bride’ where Julia’s likes and dislikes change as her partner changes. Ganon din ba ako? Push-over na ba ako?! Ayoko non! Gusto ko may stand ako! Part na ko ng statistics… waaah!

So I’ll attempt to have a list of my favorites which is of course valid until further notice per DTI NCR Permit 587964. hehe… Here goes my slumbook:

All time fave…

Colors: red, white, black

Scents: cucumber melon, scent ng LB (bakit ba? may amoy saken ang simoy ng LB e), simoy ng beach

Food: inihaw na pusit at sari-saring sinugba (sa with rice to). (without rice) pizza, pasta and potato at hindi ung sa Shakey’s ha. (comfort food) ice cream (Double Dutch or Rocky Road) or French fries or Potato Chips (Original and Cheese)

Artists: (foreign) Plumb, Madonna, Bob Marley, Alanis Morissette, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Sarah Mclachlan, Jewel, No Doubt. (local) Mojofly, Side A, The Company, Sitti, Eraserheads, Hemp Republic and Brownman Revival.

Movies: For a change, hindi yung mga all-time-fave ng madlang crowd ang sagot ko like the famous Julia Roberts films. (Ayoko talagang maging ‘mere part of statistics’ kamown.) Mona Lisa Smile (Julia pa rin pero at least di ‘to common answer). Sliding Doors. Fools Rush In. Pursuit of Happyness.

Promise nahirapan ako! Madami actually akong favorite. Ang hirap pimuli ng isa lang. Yan na nga ang problema! Dapat ba talaga pag favorite isa lang? As in ultimate favorite?! Grabe naman, masyadong judgmental! Hmphf

Pero eto ang madaling sagutan na favorites:

Drinks: (non-alcoholic) water- cause I’m a water sign… haha! (alcoholic) cuervo tequila. (not so alcoholic) san mig light beer itaas mo! (cocktails) cosmopolitan (wine) Novelino Peach. {Syempre ang dami ko pa ring nasabi}

Song: Bitch (and for this year Real cause look at me I’m 23..hehe)

Yosi: Marlboro Lights with a particular way of opening it kung soft-pack. (Though 6 days na ko di nagyoyosi. Nagpost ako dati na 2-22 ako last day magyosi pero namove ng March 1. Well para di naman cold turkey at para start of the month hehehehe)

Syempre sa mga bisyo mabilis ang sagot ko. Yung song bisyo na rin kasi masarap mag-inuman pag may Videoke. Isama na rin natin ang sugal. Fave sugal ko ang buhay. Cause life is a gamble. Nakanangdrama! Pero seriously, in-between. Nakakaadik sobra.

Then again I made a mountain out of a mole. Just the simple instance of not answering favorites and I’ve already made a problem out of it. I guess that’s my favorite of all-time favorites: over-analyzing things! In short, mamroblema!

 

to smoke or not to smoke

February 23, 2007

Today is the day I’m supposed to quit smoking. My last break with Marilyn and Martha yesterday was supposed to be the last. But this morning before I went to sleep I had a few puffs from Mica’s because, what the heck, I want to have a last yosi session with my yosi buddy.. ha ha ha.. Then again, I had dinner with college friends Beng, Con, Marisse, Maui and Steve and I ate so much the next thing I know I’m lighting my this-is-my-last-na-talaga stick. So there! I hope that really was my last stick.

Anyway, I really think that anytime I want to quit smoking I really can. Seriously! It’s just that part of me doesn’t really want to quit because smoking is a big part of my social life. Most of my friends smoke. Most of my “sessions” with close friends were over packs of cigarettes.. It’s really that! It’s like when I quit smoking I am betraying some sort of contract of loyalty… Ha ha ha.. talagang yun yung explanation ko para ma-defend ang pagyoyosi ko.

When I was in college, my efforts to quit smoking always heightened at the start of the month. I want my smoke-quitting to be significant. I want to say sometime in the future, like when I become a speaker for a smoke-free-country-advocates’ conference something to this effect: ”I remember it very clearly. It was the start of {insert month and year here} when I decided to quit smoking once and for all”.

Anyway, eventually, there came a time that my friends no longer believe that I can quit smoking. Sa 10 beses ko sinabi na magqquit ako, 11 times di natuloy. Grabe naman! OOOO-EEEEY! haha. But then again, there was the whole month of February 2004 (that’s what I mean that dates are significant) that I did not smoke at all as a panata so I can graduate on time. Sadly though, On March 1, I was back to my old habit. Tsk tsk. Backtrack to Paragraph 2 for reasons.

So here I am again in my umpteenth effort. Why again?! Wala lang.1) I guess I had too much smoking the last time I went to LB so the urge to smoke this week wasn’t that high. 2) It’s already Lenten Season and I want to have a really big sacrifice. 3) This is yet another panata for something. 4) I want my next (assuming there is) yosi session when I start crying in hagulhul mode. I would need a nicotine fix to ease my feeling by then so it practically is more of a necessity. (hehe.. Defensive!) I want to challenge myself to be in touch of my emtional side. I barely cry (tulo luha factor talaga with hikbi ang gusto ko) though I always feel like crying. I just want to have that self-liberating experience of crying like a lost child.

Why not the start of the month? It may not be the start of the month but it is still significant because 1) It’s 222 or triple 2 for Feb 22.. haha. 2) It’s practically the start of the Chinese New Year so I guess this is my Chinese New Year’s Resolution. This year is significant because I am born in the year of the Pig.  

So sometime in the future, you can expect me saying, “It was the start of the Chinese New Year 2007: Year of the Fire Pig …” Shala shala di ba?!

~o~

February 22, 2007

“Until one morning, I’ll wake up and find I’m thinking about something else, and then I’ll know the worst is over. My heart might be bruised, but it’ll recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It happened before, it will happen again I’m sure. When someone leaves, it is because someone else is about to arrive.” -Paulo Coelho, The Zahir. Received this message from Germs. How touching!

I love the thrill of the chase but there comes a time when you give up the chase especially when you realize that you’re running after something that moves a hell lot faster than your pace. It’s not resignation. It’s just mere acceptance of reality.

Ganon talaga! Minamalas lahat paminsan-minsan.

~ ~ ~

By the way, in few hours’ time I’m about to kiss my last stick of yosi away (for the mean time) until I cry again or hopefully this is my panata for the Lenten Season.

You might wonder why until I cry. Well, I just felt that I hardly cry even though I feel like crying. Michele says I’m an empath and I believe I am but sometimes the concrete attributes of an empath (like crying) is just so difficult  for me… Yun lang.

Not So Sweet February

February 20, 2007

And so I was there again. It was fun being there yet part of me feels that my LB time-of-my-life is almost over. This may probably one of the few last times that I’ll be coming back.

Friday night was FebFair night and I practically stayed in the soro booth. It was fun seeing the sisses and brods again. Of course, ang walang kamatayang labanan ng bloodline.. hehe.. panalo pa rin bloodline namin!

Saturday night was EconSos alumni homecoming. Many alumni came. The videos were great! However it was not what I expected. Anyway, it was a success. Whatever I’m feeling, it’s just me. No offense to the organizers.

Actually I don’t feel like ‘public’ blogging today. I feel down these days. Perhaps it’s part of the whole lipas-na-panahon-ko-sa-LB. Perhaps it’s because of something I’d rather not disclose here. Perhaps perhaps!