karma ko: sleeping disorder

January 11, 2007

Before, when people complain about insomnia or getting a hard time to sleep, I had nothing to contribute except that I didn’t have it. My problem would have to be oversleeping. I could sleep in my workstation. I could sleep in the tricycle (Imagine Calamba crossing to Turbina kung saan kasalubong ko ang naglalakihang mga truck at bus. Wala akong pakelam!). I could sleep in the bus going to Batangas (Nakakarating pa ako ng Pier dahil sa sobrang tulog!). I could sleep the whole weekend at meals lang ang pahinga! Before, di ko maintindihan bakit nahihirapan matulog sa umaga ang graveyard shift peeps. Well.. define oversleeping! May eyebags ako dahil sa pamamaga ng mata ko sa sobrang borlog.

Ngunit, subalit, datapwat ngayon ay napakalaki na ng problema ko! Di na ko makatulog. OK lang naman sana ang 4-6 hours of sleep a day KUNG marami ka talagang gagawin at wala ka talagang time matulog ngunit mga shofatid, imajinin nyo naman na magigising ako sa gitna ng napakababaw kong tulog at nakamulaga lang ako sa kawalan. Walang ginagawa kundi intaying dalawin ng antok. Na-isip ko na lahat ng pwedeng isipin para makatulog. Nagbilang nako ng sheep. hehe… Naimajin ko na lahat ng posibleng scenario na pwedeng ma-assassinate si GMA. Naiisip ko na lahat ng pwedeng summer escapades ngunit wala. WALA. WALA pa rin!

Di ko alam kung kulang lang ako sa alcohol o kung anuman! At eto, ngayon ay sleeping pill dependent na ako. As in 2 sleeping pills a day! At masaklap neto e nagigising pa rin ang lola mo! I tried using an eyepad (lemme call it Ipad..hehe) with matching drawing ng mata pa. Nagfresh milk na rin ako. Nagbabawas na ko ng yosi. Di na ko nagsosoftdrinks at kape. Ang saklap na di ba?

Anong meron ang taong happy?! More energy mas happy! E wala na ko energy lage. Di na happy!

Sa mga makakabasa nito, pakiforward sa mga nagagalit saken. Eto na! DUMATING NA ANG KARMA ko… ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

destiny of density?

January 10, 2007

Disclaimer: Mahirap intindihan ang entry na to. Kahit ako hindi ko alam ang pinagsususulat ko. hahaha Wala akong pake! Blog ko to!

Destiny. It’s one of my favorite words. It might sound overrated but I grew up liking Only You, Chances Are, Serendipity. Surreal as it may sound but admittedly or not, all of us just want to have that moment. We are all hopeless romantics but we have different ways of releasing these energies. For me, as strong-willed as I may appear, when we talk of One Great Love, my heart just jumps of excitement thinking and hoping that somewhere down the road, the man of my dreams, my Dawan, my Destiny, will be there and all the wait, the hardships, the frogs I’ve kissed won’t matter because there in the end is my prince.

Reality check! Destiny isn’t working for me anymore. It’s now density — because I find everything to be a freaking cosmic joke. Why am I always at the wrong place at the wrong time? Or is it just the wrong thing?

Vote now and be counted. Text EMCEE (SPACE) DESTINY or DENSITY to 0917-XXX-XXXX. The 523rd tester will receive a Family Computer and a 1000 games in 1 tape.

On a second thought, I don’t like confrontations anyway. Closure is overrated. hahaha.

new year chuvaness

December 21, 2006

Join the bandwagon. Year-end surveys!

What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
Had a spontaneous trip with my friends in our backpacker mode. Talk about contemplating while spelunking.

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can’t remember but I always say that I will quit smoking or at least lessen and I always fail it n+5 times out of n.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Patty and Dadette

Did anyone close to you die?
Nah

What countries did you visit?
None

What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Productive time. My life is achingly boring and monotonous. No significant blah-blahs!

What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Perhaps the week after Thanksgiving when I tested my degree of spontaneity at different levels. haha

 

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Overcoming (?) another episode of QLC. Gaining friends. Meeting uber-missed friends again.

What was your biggest failure?
Haven’t attended any retreat so I guess spirituality.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes! I was confined for three days due to viral infection, or so the doctors thought, but I guess it was just a case of liver and lung abuse! Haha

What was the best thing you bought?
Shoes!

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Me! Seriously!

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine too! Haha… schizophrenic na ako!

Where did most of your money go?
Food! Phone bill.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Out of town trips

What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?
California Dreamin and Love Generation

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? — sadder
ii. thinner or fatter? – thinner

iii. richer or poorer? – richer! Haha

What do you wish you’d done more?
Save!

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spend

How many one-night stands?
Wala.

What was your favorite TV program?
no TV now. Before September – ambush makeover!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
yup! War-freak ako this year! Haha

What was the best book you read?
Sputnik Sweethearts

What was your greatest musical discovery?
BossaNova

What did you want and get?
Chance to paint. Get a place near our office.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Sukob?! Haha… not a movie freak here.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Themed spontaneous get-together. 23

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
don’t want it any other way

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
anything goes.

What kept you sane?
Friends. Marlboro. SMB. Cuervo

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Grey’s Anatomy cast

What political issue stirred you the most?
social issue – the neophyte who died

Who did you miss?
ANGELA!!!

Who was the best new person you met?
Not met but knew more. Many actually! Marilyn, Jo-Ann, Martha, Germs, Lulette. Xyza. Some Chinese friends.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Timing is everything!

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
A fellow scorpio told me she wished she had the same spirit as mine when she was my age!

The most touching experience you’ve had this year?
Every time my baby Angela and I talk is a touching experience.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
My guts.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
My alcoholic guts.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Look at me I’m 23, beautiful, a sight to see tonight…

I am desperately searching for something real

Was 2006 a good year for you?
Every year is always a good year.

What was your favorite moment of the year?

New Year with family
 
What was your least favorite moment of the year?
after the Riviera scandal

Where were you when 2006 began?
Lola’s place

Who were you with?
with my family

Where will you be when 2006 ends?
Our home

Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
My family of course

Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
Lessen smoking. Save more.

What was your favorite month of 2006?
November. Sweet November.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2006?
Not lost but the feeling was the same. Angela!

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Angela. HS friends: Patty, Icy, Mae, Kim. SMB friends esp. Odette, Dadette

What was your favorite record from 2006?
BossaNova artists’

How many concerts did you see in 2006?
Nada unless you count the performances at Sykes events

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2006?
A lot is an understatement.

Do a lot of drugs in 2006?
Nope to dope. haha

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Let’s not enumerate.

How much money did you spend in 2006?
I don’t want to know.

What was your proudest moment of 2006?
My maternal grandparents’ golden anniversary. I’m so proud of my family.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
Let’s not enumerate.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
There were I’d-rather-not-reminisce-about-this things but all in all, I wouldn’t want things any other way.

What are your plans for 2007?
MBA I hope.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
Not much I guess.

What are your wishes for the new year?
That my been-there-still-there moments would lessen. I know it won’t end but at least I’ll have a more sense of direction this year. And seriously, a better Philippines. Seriously!

Signs are everywhere

December 15, 2006

Signs are everywhere. No entry. No U-turn. No parking. Dead end. Signs say a lot! I kind of like that text message that says we should love Dead End signs. At least it warns you that you are not getting anywhere.

 

 

***

 

 

I’ve always believed in signs. I always ask for signs in state of dilemma and confusion. That’s why I like the movie Fools Rush In because it talks a great deal about signs. For a long time, I no longer ask anything particular in prayers. I just talk to Him and simply ask for signs to lead me where He desires. I’ve read somewhere that when you pray there may be more demons surrounding you that might intercept and might deceive you with the wrong signs so you better be careful in asking for signs. I don’t know how to react to that but when I ask for signs, I ask simply for signs. Period. No concrete if-blah-blah-then-blah-blah.

 

 

I also like the way it is used by Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist. Omens. I believe it is the language of the world. But like any language, interpretations differ depending on the recipient. Sometimes, our eyes only see what we want to see. So I guess my no-if-then-blah-blah rules in asking for signs isn’t really helping because I interpret things the way I want them interpreted. I don’t where this is leading so I better talk about the other sign I know.

 

 

***

 

 

The Scorpio Sign (wapak!)

 

 

I am born under the Scorpio sign and I’ve always been proud. I have a lot of close friends born under that sign and more often than not, we can relate with each other. Believe it or not, we claim our zodiac sign to be the binding power behind that. Coincidental perhaps!

 

 

It’s funny to admit but since high school when my fondness for reading was starting, I’ve researched a lot about signs. I guess the first that I read in that field caught my interest because they sounded so valid. Through time, my fondness will have it peaks and troughs but my interest has always been there. Later on, I would talk openly about it with my fellow Scorpio. Here are my five closest Scorpio folks: my mom, my brother, Ghia, Tin, Marilyn. My mom and I talked a lot about it one time and she claimed to have the same fondness in her youth. I claim that it explains why my borther and I would often argue (because we are both so domineering) and click in a matter of split-second. Ghia and I made a ten-point test to spot a Scorpio. Tin and I guessed that our signs say a lot why we have so much similarities, from being the External Affairs Head to our continuous life dilemmas. Marilyn and I discuss about this stuff to often even our out of this world similarities is blamed on our zodiac. Most of the times we are doing this to piss off our officemates. Pasaway talaga ang mga scorpios.

 

 

So what do they say about Scorpios?

 

 

I copied the following directly from www.annabelburton.com

 

 

Scorpio THE SCORPION - the sign of Transformation
Still waters run deep and in the case of Scorpio, there is much more going on under the surface than meets the eye. Consider a black hole which swallows up everything that comes within its power and we can only guess what happens next. However, this is the sign of beginnings and endings, birth and death and the certainty that comes with knowing that nothing stays the same forever. What a paradox - constant change!. Scorpio’s are intense and have and have an ability to wait a very long time before they take action to put right a wrong. Better to have one as a true, trust and loyal friend than an enemy  (very true!)

 

 

Get More from Life
Being brutally honest is a quality which needs a health warning to others. (hmmm.. agree! at least what you see is what you get)

 

 

Ideal Careers
Lawyer (frustrated nga ako), analyst (yey!), sex therapist (pwede! bwahahaha), policeman (power trip!), spiritualist (see?! espiritista kaya?), surgeon (that’s why I love Grey’s anatomy), funeral director (director pa rin! pero paki-clarify ano talaga ginagawa nito), midwife (nanay ko!), tax collector (aba aba aba!), psychologist (kaya pala feeling psychologist ako lagi), chemist (ilang percent ang alcohol content?), refuse collector (ano kaya yon?!).

 

 

Advice for Partners & Friends
A good idea - do what you say you are going to do and if you need to let someone in on a secret, make sure its a Scorpio. (yownnn! Cesar, sabi sayo secretive ako! pag sinabing secret, secret. pag di sinabing secret, asahan mong kalat na yan bukas!)

 

 

Not so useful - thinking you can get away with anything. (I’d like to believe I really can get away with anything… hehe)

 

 

We love you at your Best …
When you are cutting through the cr*p and finding a cause worth fighting for when everyone else has given up. You go to the places that others fear and may have to do the dirty work but what you offer is a gift, enlightenment and the ability to allow others to see through their nightmares and demons and get to the other side. You are a trusted and loyal friend but once you are crossed forgiveness is difficult and you may prefer to move on, rather than put things right. (Totoo po ito. Treat me either your best friend or your most ruthless enemy! bwahahaha. sabay pindot ng remote.. tsuk!)

 

 

Powerful feelings and emotions (very!), committed (nga ba?), loyal(loyal as royal), imaginative(hmmm. farther than you could think), discerning(nasobrahan ata ako sa element na to.. forever discerning, no final decision at all), subtle(subtle pa ba ako?!), persistent(OA na nga minsan), determined(i believe).

 

 

…. Difficult to Live With!
Sometimes you simply cannot help being manipulative and your mastery over others can bring a fair amount of anguish(sorry naman!). However, you are fiercely protective and will do what it takes to keep what’s yours, yours(dapat lang). Jealousy can be your undoing and it’s possible that obsessiveness can be scary. Scorpios have the ability to see through lies and are not impressed by blagging and will not suffer fool(psychic kasi kami.. bwahahaha).

 

 

Ayokong magmention sa aspetong ito. mahirap magkaroon ng favoritism…

 

 

Sun Signs You are most Compatible with
Pisces - absolutely superb,
Taurus - a rewarding relationship,
Aries - long lasting,
Cancer - paradise on earth,
Libra - rather heady stuff,
Leo - a powerful attraction.

 

 

Sun Signs You are not so Compatible with
Scorpio - a nuclear explosion,
Gemini - volatile & explosive,
Sagittarius - may be strained,
Aquarius - up and then down.

 

 

Your Opposite Sun Sign
is Taurus

 

 

Eto pa from www.rrtearoom.com/horoscope/Scorpio:

 

 

The sign Scorpio is symbolized by the Scorpion.
Your sign’s element is Water. Scorpio is ruled by the planet Pluto.
You are very intense, strong willed, determined and secretive. Nothing escapes your attention. Scorpio can let tensions build to the exploding point. Investigation and research play a big part in your life. Scorpio is a deep thinker with a fine mind. You love a good fight, and then wonder why the other person is angry (haha! Beware of our sting. Na-warning-an naman kasi!). Scorpio is forceful and courageous (But I haven’t gotten over of my fear of horror films yet). Scorpio is usually interested in anything that has to do with the occult. (Kaaliw naman! That explains my wiccan interest.)
Possible negative aspects of the sign Scorpio:

 

 

You can be willful, vindictive, jealous, sullen, bitter (wrong spelling! I’m not bitter, I’m better!) and sarcastic (As tested by everyone). You can have a temper (As tested by Jo-Ann). You may misuse sex (For the nth time, bakit ba laging nirerelate ang scorpio sa sex?!).

i’m in loooove

December 13, 2006

I first heard about you from Tin. I googled you and the results were amazing but still you weren’t my type. My soul-sister Mica thought I already knew you and insisted I get to know you. She assumed I’ll like you as much as she does. You have thoughts and realizations that are notable and quotable. You were quite interesting to begin with but I was hesitant to know you more because there were other priorities. I am a typical tweener with so much existential angst I didn’t know if having you will help me at all. Also I know that my initial fondness for you will wear out easily as it is often the case. But I was wrong. You were different. You are different. And I hope you will always be. You are just what I need during the existential questioning. You bacame a daily thing for me. So routinary yet so necessary. Now I know I’m in love with you! I love you… Grey’s Anatomy! hehehe

Adik na talaga ako sa GA! I thought I’d never like it because I’ve never dreamt of being a doctor. But I soooo can relate with the characters and the episodes. I was literally crying while watching it! Usually, when I watch tear-jerky what-have-you’s, I only say, I feel like crying, or I’m just crying inside, sorta just a feel to cry but there aren’t any tear. Just figuratively! hehe. But with GA, I was LITERALLY crying! Doctors, doctor-wannabes or none of the above, one can relate with any of the GA casts.

Izzie Stevens- The empath of the group. Like what happened to Izzie, empathy can be an asset or a liability. She has the least self-esteem among the group but seriously, don’t we always feel like her. I wonder how her muffins taste. Seriously? Seriously. Seriously!

Alex Karev- The Mr. Arrogant who always wants to take the credit. Who wouldn’t? I like his take-control attitude. He isn’t afraid of giving unusual comments. Preno naman!

Meredith Grey- Of course all of us can relate to her. The vulnerable one who feels her life is all messy and distracted, it makes her think she doesn’t deserve something good. I may not relate to her Pick me, Choose me, Love me drama but certainly all of us simply wants to be loved.

Derek Shepherd- I hate and love him at the same time! Don’t we always feel that towards the ones we love. McDreamy is like anyone we cared for who, most of times, make the wrong decisions, try to undo them and later on we still accept. We also become the McDreamy of others.

My fave characters…

George O’Malley- The ever dependable sweet friend and housemate. His love for Meredith is genuine. But I guess his whole personality is. Just like any of us who are have been naturally good to the ones we love and end up as someone who is too good to be true barkada material never-more-than-the-buddy type.

Cristina Yang- My McFavorite! She may be ruthless at time, the typical competitive know-it-all doctors but I find her to be the most real. She may be inconsiderate in her words but at least they are true. Most of the times, we’d rather have friends like her who will tell us issues up-front. (I sooo love the Burke-Yang TEAM!)

I love the chemistry of the group! Reminds me of my bestfriends. They are different and unique in their own respects but as they are family and they are all each one has got!

 

Our scalpels may not be sharp yet but like them we are also hardworking interns of a hospital called life. We are trying to juggle career, love and friendship. And though there maybe a hundred reasons to give up, the one reason not to still wins: to survive!

I can’t wait for the 3rd season to end. Makes me also wonder about my McDreamy! ngyork ngyork!