re-SOUL-ution

October 27, 2006

“I think I’m having another pre-birthday syndrome,” I told my roomie Maui. Not again! I’m in a point in my life where I feel contented yet at the end of the day I hear the “but” coming. My life is in acceptable harmony based on the standards of my friends, hehe, but I felt that there’s more I can do with it. So we made a decision of pursuing our passions for once. We had an agreement to list down 10 then pursue it this coming year. We could start pursuing it now but I am financially constrained because of the coming 50th birthday of my mom. And so my re-SOUL-utions are here:

1. to travel somewhere alone. “No man should go through life without once experiencing healthy, even bored solitude in the wilderness, finding himself, depending solely on himself and thereby learning his true and hidden strengths.” I have long thought of this but have no guts to push through. But recently, I read Sputnik Sweethearts and thought it as a sign. So maybe, just maybe, sometime soon, I’ll board a bus alone but not lonely.

2. to attend a retreat! - Alone if possible. I’m not even particular with the sponsons. It may even be organized by a group or religion I don’t belong. 

3. to pursue more on tarot cards reading.

4. to paint more

5, to save for a digital SLR. Pursuing photography though may be postponed til 2008.

That’s the list for now!  Wish me luck!

Emceerious Living

October 21, 2006

This entry was supposed to be posted in my Friendster blog account but because I’m using a proxy site. It failed to upload..

 

I haven’t been blogging in my friendster account because: a) I have limited access to Friendster during weekdays and I’d rather sleep on weekends; b) My updating is limited to accepting friends and testimonials, reading e-mails; b) Friendster isn’t “friends”-ter anymore but “met-this-person-once”-ter yet I don’t want these met-this-people-once’s deleted because who knows what will happen tomorrow but I don’t want them to know updates I’d only disclose to close friends; c) I have a boring life -  there’s nothing bloggable in the dailiness of it; d) I keep another blog account but neither do I  disclose the access because it’s for purposes of storage of my random ramblings and emceerisms.

 

Well, Anyway, so you’re asking what made me blog now?

 

I felt so down this week. My self-esteem is at its lowest and I want to go ego-shopping! (I’d rather not talk about the reason) I want to cry. Ayoko nung tulo lang ng luha effect! Gusto ko hagulhol galore! I asked my friend Marilyn to schedule that in one of our sessions, a lungangian sa pag-iyak session. She found the idea ridiculous! Who wouldn’t want to cry like a toddler lost in a mall. WAAAAH! Ang ganda kaya ng idea… so self-liberating! hihi

 

Then, I browsed through the Friendster testimonial I received through the years. Ended up counting my blessings: hilarious friends, unspeakable memories, contagious laughters, mauulit-pa-kayang mischiefs. In the end I thought of giving back to these people the ecstasy they brought. The original plan was supposed to be an individual testimonial for friends and how thankful I am for having them but the access is veeeerrrrry sloooow because I am just using a proxy site. >:) hihi  Eureka! The blog! The blahg! The people I’m really thankful for may not actually read this but I hope the angels will tell them that someone out here is thankful for them. I also want the blogging community to know how not-so-great Emcee can have too many great friends. Talking about ironic life!

 

 

 

To all my friends: EconSoc, Lamdans, Rhoans, high school barkada, CSC, manongs, manangs, housemates, pseudo-housemates, taga-SMB itaas mo!, ka-RA, taga-Sykes, et cetera et cetera, I miss you all. It’s been more that a couple of years since I graduated but as I always say, “ you can take me out of UPLB but you cannot take UPLB out of me.” Dugong LB to ‘tol!  Now that I am working, when insanity creeps me, it is among my UPLB friends I regained my sanity from, as always. In the end, the unbearable becomes… still unbearable yet fashionably unbearable.

 

To my housemates, Maui, Mica, Ghia, Xyza, for the company I am so enjoying, for the things housemates share, for the things sisters share, Tenchu! Thanks most especially making our place my comfort zone . A hash bar in disguise because of natural high I get in your company! Yeaaah! No matter how serious or how grim life gets, thanks for adding a comic strip to it! Looking forward to our themed parties!

 

To the EconSoc whose text and emails never fail to make me smile and wish I could time travel. Special mention to the following—

Tin: for the daily dose of prayers, thanks so much! For the constant sweet nothings… nakakagaan ng loob sobra!

Joyce: Drama queen whom I lost to law school. I miss you so much! Thanks for never failing to remember us kahit iba na ang set of friends mo… bigatin na eh! hikhik!

Byn: for the art of chismisan and update-an we have! (Actually, this week Byn and I were exchanging emails. She wants me to update her of the latest chismax. I barely know anything and though she is in the great US of A, she must have known more. We exchanged updates of common friends but there weren’t anything juicy. In the end, I just updated her with the latest SHOWBIZ chismax… I promised to save more and send her issues of Star Studio, Tiktik, Bosero, atbp. haha.)

Bart: Freeeend! Sa constant Gnyt message kahit na alam mong nagsisimula pa lang ang araw ko by the time I receive that. Gnyt!

Gabe: Thanks for the being the one-text-away gimik buddy!

Jacque: Salamat sa time-to-time chika kumara. Kumareng kumara na ang level natin! hehe

Plong: Cousin! Miss you!.. la lang

Mikmik: Misha partner!

 

To the resident Lambdan, special mention to our lineage (*inaanak CHE),-ang kinaiinggitang bloodline ng soro haha, thanks for always making us feel welcome and important! Looking forward to our golden glittering year!

 

To Corly, Cesar, Rey, Adan, BJ, Bon D., Bon Q., Con, Daisy, Gabe I MISS YOU GUYS! Looking forward to another siraan-ng-buhay-wala-ng-bukas-masakit-maghiwalay trip! We need another UBE!

 

To Marilyn, Martha, Jo-ann, Lette, Germs, Jansen. Thanks for making OSMA still a tolerable place for me. Thanks for being there during my ego-shopping moments!

 

To all the kids I see everyday, thanks for reminding me to listen to the child in me: the impractical, unrealistic, and very vulnerable to joy child in me!

 

 

In books, the acknowledgment page begins the writings. In movies, it is at the end. Since I’m no writer nor movie-maker, I say my thank you’s anytime I want. As to what part of my life’s chapter I am, I don’t know too. Let’s ask Ma’am Bello!

happy birthday renzee!

October 11, 2006

Happy 12th Birthday to my lil big brother!

 

This is officially the last year before you reach your teenage year! There are so many things ate would like to tell you:

1. Respect daddy and mommy. Love them. I like you when you aren’t too shy to tell them I-love-you’s. Do it often and mean it. Follow them as long as you can. They know best! Reason out if necessary but so it with respect. Same goes to lolo and lola. We are so lucky to have grandparents like them.

2. Respect your kuya and ate! Ahem! You are lucky you have us both (less the constant utos and teasing).I love you so much and I promise that nothing will change! Your kuya loves you so much though he isn’t showy of it but you’ll see in the future you two, with your towering height, will be sparring partners! Also, respect your younger cousins. Age isn’t the prerequisite for respect.

3. Don’t forget your childhood kalye games. They are worth sharing in the future. They are better retold than those computer games.

4. Study your lessons and develop your study habit but don’t confine yourself with the lessons in the classroom. Explore! There are more to learn outside the classroom or the school. There are better teacher than your uniformed instructors and the best students know that! Learn more on arts! It can be more fun.

5. Choose your friends well. Friends can be the best teacher (refer to number 4) if you choose them well. I will try not to tell you not to befriend someone because even from the worst of friends you can learn lessons. As bad example, that is! But I am an advocate of the idea that all people are good by nature. You just got to know them. Find the goodness in people!

6. Be faithful! Always pray! There is a Supreme Being stronger than all forces combined. Be spontaneous in talking to Him as if talking to your alter ego. Practice your own spirituality.

7. Believe in karma! Whatever you do, it will come back to you three times. When somebody does good to you, pay back and pay it forward to someone else too. When somebody does bad things to you, try not to get even. Life is an endless cycle. Believe that what goes around comes around.

8. Don’t be afraid to fail. Who hasn’t been a failure once or twice. Just remember to learn from these failures.

9. Pay homage to the inner light in all things. Namaste! Signs are everywhere in this world. Most of the times it isn’t in the signs but in the recipient of signs. Trust your instincts! (Always refer to number 6) Believe that timing is everything or at least, that timing matters!

10. Read a lot dear! Be an omnivorous reader. You wouldn’t believe but your ate so much loves to read she even reads the back of the shampoo container when she was young. Don’t streotype wide readers as geeks. (When I say don’t stereotype widereaders to geek this goes without saying you should NEVER stereotype at all. Everyone is unique and a person has his own individuality that my be similar but still different from a group he belongs.<this can be another number>)

Hang in there. There are more to come. I am writing this because I may never have much time. Not time, but I mean moment. We are eleven years apart and either one of us might find it awkward talking about all these. hehe.. I love you Renzee! Happy Birthday!

Not So Me

September 28, 2006

However, lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around the dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens - memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. –taken from Mitch Albom’s Five People You Meet in Heaven

Today, as I was exchanging e-mails with my friend Byn I made a recap on my year. Nothing special was retold. Xoxo here, xoxo there. I guess that’s just the way we make updates to some friends. Sometimes thare are just so many things to be told and you just don’t know where to start. Then, you end up not telling something special at all. She asked me if I was seeing someone special. There was none. Pathetic as it may sound but I just told her about my one great love since college.

Funny because I am one person who is always eager for change but years after graduation I am still bragging about the same guy. Maybe it’s really great love. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe just lost great love. Love still.  We’ve been chasing around in circles for years (maybe it was just me chasing him) and I’ve always thought that these happenings are cosmic. That we’ll still probably end up together in the end.

I am officially becoming pathetic talking about this love-y stuffs but I rarely talk about these. I am not the committing type and a guy friend even told me that I am not the marrying material. Perhaps. But at the end of the day, I am still like the typical girls who want to love and be loved. I really wish that someday, my DAWAN will come into my life. but what if that DAWAN has already come and I just let him pass by. Will there be DASEKOND or DATIRD? haha.

In The One’s perfect time, everything will fall into places. Perhaps someday, Dawan will come across this message and find this sweet. Sweet but funny. Sweet and funny. So long Dawan!

QLC strikes back again!

September 27, 2006

For a long time I thought I was over it. Everything was smooth sailing and then KABOOM! That was the problem. Everything was in sweet harmony! I am not legitimately the title-holder of the most monotonous life if you can call this a life. I stay at the office for roughly ten hours. Most of this time, I’m not doing anything actually productive. Just typical corporate blah-blahs! I have random dinners and breakfasts with the close friends. And as I see it these “random” chitchats have now become rhythmic! I hate being part of statistics.

My family and closest friends can testify that I am one person who easily gets bored. That’s why, up til now I am still wondering what career path should I choose. My first job was in a typical corporate arena. Typically, as a first job, it was an eye-opener for me. I thought monotonous office work was not for me. I resigned and tried my luck on research. Fortunately (and unfortunately), I got a job as a research assistant in a UN-funded project. But somewhere along the way, I felt that it still wasn’t the career path I want to pursue. I resigned again and this time I have no plans at all what to do next. I figured out that there were many things I missed to do after I graduated. I had my driving lessons. I read more book. I took the Prof exam (forgot what they call it), though I know it won’t be of any use since I don’t have plans of working for the government. Travelled a lot. I eventually took a job in a call center and fortunately got an analyst postion.

Now it’s been more than a year and surprisingly, my buffer job is no longer for buffer sake! I’m actually enjoying it. In between my free times and long weekends, I still travel. I painted once (something that took me longer time to plan and be interested than actually doing it), read more and more, explored photography, wicca, particularly tarot cards reading. Funny but true! I find my life really becoming boring and boring by the day! Is this really the life I want? Is this what my heart truly desires?

Call me over-analyzing things but I think I am in the crossroads of my life wherein I should be deciding on what I really want. I can’t wait for five years more and realize that this is something that I don’t want and unlearn the things I am already used to doing.

This morning I received a text message from my friend BYN saying she has a quarter-life crisis. I thought it was a sign that people have always associated me to quarter-life crisis. I don’t have the answers to fellow QLC victims but I sure am willing to share what I am going through. I’m just afraid it will make us like drinking buddies! Inakay ng bulag ang kapwa bulag. haha. Byn is in the US so drinking buddies is not a possible scenario for the mean time. Well, Bynie, just stick around! We’ll get over this! We don’t have the answers but who the hell knows the answers anyways? In God’s perfect timing, everything’s gonna be alright. As I always say, timing is everything!