LSE mode

Last night I felt an inexplicable kind of sadness, like there are dementors around. It's not one of those Quarter Life Crisis episodes again. Just a random attack of Low Self-Esteem Syndrome. No more QLC. Here comes LSE! I believe that I have internalized well 'The Secret' but last night I just can't bring myself to loosen up and just think of happy thoughts. It's just one of those "moments" and I simply can't help it.

It was US holiday yesterday so we didn't have work. My office friends and I went to a comedy bar. Surrounded by laughing people yet I can't enjoy the night as much as I want to. I was enjoying though I know that things are different. Random LSE thoughts kept popping on my mind like I'm a failure and that that I am not any more mature than the happy-go-lucky Emcee who left UPLB years ago. I didn't want to spoil the  night. Of course the ever-reliable Miguel was with me. (I drowned myself with beer hoping I could just sleep all day but my dreams are also LSE-ish. Damn!) So I texted my closest friends about my LSE syndrome but sadly though I felt worse. Reading their replies, I felt that they can't understand me. Like I was going through an intentionally unsharable  misery if there is ever such a thing. It was like a pain meant only for me. I also texted my classmates and though i know they hear me, I don't feel any less settled. But I'm thankful though, very thankful for my friends who continue to try to understand. I know their getting tired of my pathetic drama like the world revolves around me. I'm sorry guys. I just can't help it.

1st trime: done!

Finally the 1st term is over! It has really been a good term for me (I'm not talking about the grades her). It was not as toxic as I've thought or feeling ko lang yon kasi medyo madami akong pasaway moves. haha! Definitely, deciding to take my MBA is one of the most mature decisions I've done (at di ako nag-decision tree nysn!). For months I have no attacks of QuarterLY life crisis. That alone is a celebration for my friends!  

Of course there had been "why am I doing this?"-moments.  I had to bear with the more than 2 hours of travel time back and forth UP. I had to take the MRT everday. I had to sleep less than 6 hours. I had to pass on gimiks. Since I also am working on night shift, after-class meetings are so difficult. And I forgot the toughest reason (though I'm still thinking which between this and passing on gimiks tops the chart… haha) :  I had to study again! Believe me, if you really knew me in college you would wonder why am I studying again.

Then things just became a matter of habit. I had to entertain myself with MRT drama:  ang drama ng totoong commuter. The sleep I had to manage on weekends. Besides,  I actually overslept the rest of my pre-MBA life..haha! The gimiks are still managed somehow… palalampasin ko ba naman yon?! Thanks to my super-understanding friends though I still can't forgive myself for not joining the Asian Invasion.. haha!

course I also had my crushes in class (Nampucha! Nay ganoong factor talaga?! How sweet it is to be loved by Yu! So you must be the husband? haha… Pucha! Kinikilig ako! Grabe! Wala talaga akong na-miss na class mo. Kesehodang may bagyo, susugod talaga ako sa UP para sayo! Aylabyu! haha! At kung merong one love, one lifetime si quickmelt,  meron din one major crush, one trime si Emcee. (The one I mentioned earlier, hindi major crush yon. Tinatawag yong pag-ibig! haha) Hayokong sabihin kung sino! Nagba-blush nako!

But the best part are my new found friends. I thought before that finding friends in grad school wouldn't be that easy because these people already have their own set of friends to begin with but I thought wrong. Perhaps it's the same work-school-pressure we try to survive in. To the great friends I met this term, I owe you guys the New and Improved Emcee: No QLC! (Parang nilalakong pagkaing no MSG ) Special thanks to Urven my supah-buddy, to Papa Boyen aka driver / alarm signal / sugar daddy,  to JC and Anj, my baby gurls, to Francis and Ronald, my autistic friends dahil most of the times may sarili kayong mundo. To the rest of the upmbanyt pips, mabuhay ang pang-gabi! More trime with a blast!

Cheers!

on service and loyalty

August is Lambdan month. I've been meaning to write something about the Lambdans but I've been really busy lately. I was almost done with a post in-between my heavy workload but my multi-tasking ability failed me. I pressed the wrong button and I have to restart my post. Perhaps whatever I have written there should be delivered some other way or shouldn't be said at all. Ehem Ehem!

So it's Lambdan month! This year we turn 50! This golden anniversary has made many people excited even way back when I was still a resident. My housemates are my sisses so it's like an extension of the soro house in Pasig. All of us talk about our anticipation for the grand celebration. This is really one of the things I am looking forward in 2007. Come August, the set date fall in between my finals week but it didn't stop me from going to the ball. Then talk about standing on the bus from Ortigas to Calamba on a sleepless weekend. I would easily pass as a zombie that week! And of course zombies don't have money. hehe.. The reg fee was more pricey than expected. All of these were okay! What the heck! This may happen only once. I can't be sure if I can make it in our 75th anniversary or some monumental nth anniversary. To my surprise (and slight disappointment) though only a few alumnae sisters were thinking that way! Only a few came. I am not saying that I did not enjoy the event. I enjoyed it very much but I know we could  have enjoyed it more if more came.

When we were applicants, we pledged of our undying loyalty and service. Of course time may course us to changing priorities but sometimes it's just disappointing because you feel that for some, there isn't any effort exerted. I'm not just talking about the sorority. In general, when we want something so hard, we pledge out loud of our commitment to it but once we have gotten hold of it we easily forget how important it was when we were still aiming for it. If there's a will, there's a way. This applies to EconSoc, and sadly even to my closest friends.

Anyway, so much for the drama, I'd like to take the chance to thank my dearest sisses for being as good as, if not better than, blood sisters. Thanks for the good and bad times. I only regret that I knew you a little later but it's not important now. Way back in college, H6 has been one of my comfort zones in UPLB! I knew then that I would have friends for life. Sa centannial anniv, kasama natin mga apo natin ha at naka-cocktail drinks pa rin tayo! Cocktail drinks do taste better with you girls! haha… Cheers!

Happy Golden Anniversary!

Wheresoever each loving heart shall roam, Delta Lambda Sigma shall bring us nearer home.

the secret

I just finished reading 'The Secret. Whew! And then I realized, had I started reading for my Finals instead of re-reading HP1, HP3 and The Secret, I would have been long done! Anyway, I am really good in procrastinating (I shouldn't have said that if I want to apply what I just read) but with or without a long to-do list, "The Secret" is really worth your time.

The Secret is a self-help book written by Rhonda Byrne. There were a lot of contributors so it's not really a self-righteous-Rhonda-said-you-better-do-this type. Actually, I don't have a thing for  self-help books but this one got my attention because of some reviews I've read. Mica bought a copy then I read the first few chapters and I knew that it would be interesting.

There is nothing really new about what it says (though the packaging is really unique… so fab!)  but reading it somehow psyches me up to be more positive. Come weekend, my mom and I had to attend my bestfriend Rica's sister's debut and my mom was one of the symbolic gifts participants. We got this book for her though I was not done reading it yet then. I was positive it would help if she gets to read the book. I hope she enjoys reading it!

So today I continued reading the book. In essence it says that the great secret of life is the law of attraction. The law of attraction says that like attracts like, so when you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you. Just that! Mind over matter! I've always believed in this mantra and looking back in various instances, it is really proven that results follow expectations. This is funny but while reading I remember that I've always said that I'm a lucky gambler. True enough I always win! hehe… Kelangan sa sugal talaga i-relate!

Would you believe that I have a piece of paper in my workstation that has "Results follow expectations… Mind over matter … You can do it Emcee!" written on it. I had this written about two weeks ago. I just want to keep on reminding myself that life can get better as long as I have a positive mindset. Also, Mark 11:24 has always been my favorite passage in the Bible: "Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours." So reading the book lifted my spirit all the more. I knew the Secret all along! To add more, I put this in my IM handle:  "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." Albert Einstein. So I'm really into this thing! haha

I don't really do book reviews much but I feel I have to share and pay forward the blessing I received. Hope you read the book and have as much enlightenment as I had! Namaste!

of friends and alcohols

When was the last time I had a drink with my friends? Surprisingly, it was last July 22 with Beng, Corleai, Cesar and Rey, four of the bestest friends one can have. (Surprisng na yon kasi mababa na alcohol content ng system ko lately… tsk tsk!) We only meet once in a blue moon nowadays and we are always never complete (Paging Adan!) . This is so alarming! It's not that we have coined ourselves to be a 'group'. We actually come from different groups but there were many times last year that we always sought for each other's company. Blame it on quarter-life-crisis/quarterLY life crisis. Blame it on UPLB! Damn we miss LB so much we can't get over college life! Bottoms up!

Every week was a siraan-ng-buhay trip! Rey, Cesar, Adan and Corleai would always sleep over our place. Come late Sundays or early Monday (sometimes late Mondays when some are convinced to call Monday off for another drinking session) we would have some dramahan moment as if it would take a long time to see each other. Ang OA di ba?! Bottoms up ulit!

Well, this afternoon, I received a text from Rey confirming the day he will leave us for Singapore. (Pakyu ka Rey! Inuna mo pa ang career kesa pagkakaibigan! Jukas!) Well, 2007 is really a year of change for us. Corleai is now in med school. Adan is now an MT in BPI. Beng is getting married by year-end. And, I admit that lately I hardly have any time meeting them even on weekends (masyado akong atat lagi umuwi ng Batangas lately noh? Parang ang babaw ng changes ko!).  Cesar is now maselan, as in muscle-an ang katawan. (Para 2 na kami na mababaw ang changes.. hehe)

Changes are inevitable. And of course it's not a shock that Rey and Beng will be leaving the country for good. But finally reading that text message from Rey is still different. Some sort of reality jolt that things will really never be the same again. 

I particularly like this text message: You know why they made beer taste bitter? So one would take time to drink and more time to talk. It's the time spent together, not the beer. So true! Alcohol doesn't solve problems, but then again, neither does milk. haha! I really miss our bitter-beer-better-drinkers sessions now though it also means missing those hang-over episodes. This message goes to my other drinking session and nandadaya-sa-drinking-sessions buddies. Econsoc, miss ko na talaga kayo sobra! Aylabyu (ala lasenggo sa kanto)!

I admit that I have grown to like alcohol, and  I also admit that what alcohol is to me is what my friends are to me. You guys continue to intoxicate my system and though I'm bound to have hang-overs, I really wouldn't mind. Just hand me the coffee later! Bottoms up! 

Rey, we wll dearly miss you. Of course we cannot let you miss this opportunity that could change your life. Love you!