another trime done

For the last couple of days, my emotions were sub-zero. Maybe I have taken things too personally. Tonight though I felt really better. Not over-the-top better. Just normal. Level. COmpared to what I’ve felt, that’s a good start.

Today, I took my last exam for the sem which I didn’t have the time to review because of work toxicity but what else exam have I really reviewed? I’m so glad I only have 1 sem left and I’m done! 

I was a little sad though because tonight may have been the last time I may see some MBA friends I was so close this sem. Of course skeds will be different now. Too bad Roy didn’t take the exam with us. Sherwin, thanks for the gift. Thanks for driving me to the office although it’s super out of the way. Thanks for accomodating after-class dinners near my office. Thanks for bringing review materials to my place even though we both clearly knew we wouldn’t review them. Roy, thanks for the quick free meriendas. Thanks for reminding me of school requirements. Thanks for cheering me up. Thanks for your text messages from your cherry mobile. haha.. To you two boys. Thanks for the meals, coffee sessions, aral sessions where the pre-aral sessions (kain, kwentuhan, etc) took 4 times longer. Thanks for being my constant reminders that I am not the only lazy person in the MBA program. haha.. Mamimiss ko ang pang-aasar nyo saken mga mokong kayo! haha.. am super proud that you are graduating na. Mantakin nyo yon! Pano pa kung nag-aaral kayo. Baka Top 1 & 2 kayo. haha.. buti nakilala ko na kayo bago pa kayo maging CEO ng mga companies nyo. haha 

I hope I can find buddies next term. 

***

Tomorrow, my friend Mik is getting married. Woot woot! Andaming kinakasal!!! I think I’m gonna cry in her wedding. Will be at her hotel room prior to the rites. Pekner, mantakin mo yon! Si Ken pa rin pala talaga! haha

***

Vietnam, here we come! Move over Emerson requirements! Leave relaxed. Live relaxed!

some things still make sense

…at least!

best time to count blessings

best time to kneel down and pray

best time for selective sharing

best time for Wendy’s

some things just aren’t right

Was about to put something’s just not right but as I recollect my thoughts, it’s not a mere thing. There’s a lot of things that don’t fit well in this whole smorgasbord of my state of being. This is one of the few times I wish nobody will read this right away. I know I could have written this in some journal but I feel I have to re-read myself again sometime in the future.

I still have 7 chapters to read for an exam an Wednesday. 7 of the earlier chapter I’ve read already but I haven’t comprehended much. I should still be working at the office or should have at least joined them for their lunch. Should have accepted coffee invite. Should be writing of the last 3 great weekends I had. But then I realized that the best way to cope with this is to be alone. Wallow a little. Write something. Ang think. Think!  Perhaps I haven’t been really thinking, deep thinking, lately. I just let moments pass me by without sacred considerations of the whole picture. I let my spontaneity suck the planning side of me that I so try to build.I haven’t been thinking much that’s why I’m where exactly I am right now: a state where people who don’t think end up.

I wanna cry! I know you put it in a so subtle way but I felt like I was the most ‘bobo’ person in that room. I should have reacted. I should have explained. I should have defended where I was coming but now I tG I didn’t. Silence. It was may best arm. I wish I’ll find the peace to do the things I have to do not to impress you or prove you wrong but because I just do them, even regardless if I like doing them or not.  For now I just want to cry.

Tomorrow I know I’d still put up a happy face. We’d still exchange hi’s and hello’s and you’ll never know how painful tonight was.  I hope someday I’d figure out how this is a simple blessing in disguise. I hope!

I wish I could time travel and see the point. I wish!

falling apart

I was told I was falling apart. Maybe I am. I can’t even compose myself to write something about what I feel. I am really falling apart, and tired, and falling apart. To you who gave me a better grasp of something that is already obvious, well thank you. Reality bites and today is National Painkillers Day!

shuffle

I just feel like writing my heart out. I don’t where to start so I put my player on shuffle mode.

Look After You. The Fray. One of those tearjerker songs. The message isn’t really sad but there is something about the rhythm that moves you. Rhythm! Maybe biorhythm can explain why I feel so sad this week. 

Afraid for Love to Fade.  Lea Salonga. Gawd! I wanna be inspired. It has been a long time since I had that swooning, crazy, lovey feeling. Maybe that explains why I’m bored. Day in, day out, I feel like I’m just part of the statistics. 

You and Me.  Life house. Haaay! I’ll stop this. This is the borderline of my being pathetic.

***

I wanna be anywhere else but where I am. I need company. Silence company. I just want someone to be there and accompany me as I cry without explanation. 

Last song to ponder on. Next: With a Smile. Eraserheads. Haay! I hope I’ll get by with a smile. I hope although it sounds funny, somebody will say it anyway.  Can you never be really too happy in this life?