some things just aren’t right

Was about to put something’s just not right but as I recollect my thoughts, it’s not a mere thing. There’s a lot of things that don’t fit well in this whole smorgasbord of my state of being. This is one of the few times I wish nobody will read this right away. I know I could have written this in some journal but I feel I have to re-read myself again sometime in the future.

I still have 7 chapters to read for an exam an Wednesday. 7 of the earlier chapter I’ve read already but I haven’t comprehended much. I should still be working at the office or should have at least joined them for their lunch. Should have accepted coffee invite. Should be writing of the last 3 great weekends I had. But then I realized that the best way to cope with this is to be alone. Wallow a little. Write something. Ang think. Think!  Perhaps I haven’t been really thinking, deep thinking, lately. I just let moments pass me by without sacred considerations of the whole picture. I let my spontaneity suck the planning side of me that I so try to build.I haven’t been thinking much that’s why I’m where exactly I am right now: a state where people who don’t think end up.

I wanna cry! I know you put it in a so subtle way but I felt like I was the most ‘bobo’ person in that room. I should have reacted. I should have explained. I should have defended where I was coming but now I tG I didn’t. Silence. It was may best arm. I wish I’ll find the peace to do the things I have to do not to impress you or prove you wrong but because I just do them, even regardless if I like doing them or not.  For now I just want to cry.

Tomorrow I know I’d still put up a happy face. We’d still exchange hi’s and hello’s and you’ll never know how painful tonight was.  I hope someday I’d figure out how this is a simple blessing in disguise. I hope!

I wish I could time travel and see the point. I wish!