argggh!

January 21, 2010

Yesterday, I could not believe how one call could change my 2010 Outlook. As I checked my mails when I arrived in the office, no less than 20 mails apart, I got approvals for my 5-day leave for compre review which I filed the previous week, and an email from one of the staffs of our college saying I should call her ASAP. Ironic! I was dumbfounded and speechless for a while when she said I couldn’t take the compre because a new direction from the Program Director. Actually I didn’t know it was a new direction. Last year, all along, I thought I really couldn’t take the exam until they told me I could as long as I complete the core subjects, which I did, before the exam season. So I thought, all these perfectly fitted my plan. September 2010 and I’m done! All my hopes are there, then, after I’ve anticipated what could have been on Feb 27 and the weekends after, after I’ve come to terms with my MIA policy, after I’ve started studying, after my no alcohol policy until the big days, after all those anxiety and anticipation and everything in between (seriously, this has been my default thought lately), the rule that I should be completing all my subjects this term the latest come into the picture. Are you kidding me?! It’s my number 1 to-do list in my 2010 plan for crying out loud. I still had, small but it was there, hopes that I could talk to the director today but I read this morning a memo about it. So, this after all is a non-negotiable rule. I had to skip my first class but was out of the office early enough to attend the second one. Before, I would have declared a no-UP-day already because it was too much of a hassle to travel back-and-forth for two hours for a 1.5 hr class but I decided to go to school anyway since I have nothing planned for the rest of the day. I still have that tiny but detectable amount of hope that maybe, just maybe, they can postpone the implementation of the direction since it makes sense to apply it to the next batches since the rules that should be applied to our batch are the rules that were established when we first came on-board with the program. But of course that won’t be the case. So it’s final. Compre time for me is 2011!

 

JL said, life is what happens while you’re busy making plans. I couldn’t help but ponder and muse when I came across this line from Jim Paredes’ column I read yesterday: We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have a life waiting for us. How cosmic! Have I planned too much? Have I let my life revolve around the 2010 Iskidrow Plan lately? Was I wrong to anticipate? My friends tell me to let go and just believe that God has better plans. Honestly, I trust and hope that there is. That someday I can connect the dots and understand but right now, all I want to do is pause and wallow in depression and self-pity. I cannot help it. I look back at the terms I have gone underload. I cannot help but hate myself. Entirely my fault!

 

Now I have so much time in my hands but there is no other thing I want to do but to be busy with compre review. I was not even concerned about office deliverables when in fact this week is the busiest we have anticipated for this quarter. I wished I was never told I could take the compre! I wish I could get off my mind from compre tomorrow: ANYTHING BUT COMPRE! Argggh!

 

In the expressionless look I had going to school, I was thoughtless -as in blank stare into nothingness. For the first time after a long time I was just observing people. How young the students are. How pseudo-childish-couples act. How tired people are after a day’s work. How two reunited friends seem to not run out of stories. I wonder how they have perceived me. I wonder how frustrated-compre-examinees look like! Arggh!

takt time

January 5, 2010

What a nice buena mano business day… 16 how-did-I-do-it-hours at work on my first day. When life offers you a table full of your favorite food, watch out because somewhere out there is a platter of cosmic playback waiting to be savored. Emerson, ito ba ang kapalit ng mahabang bakasyon? But I guess this is good because 1) I have a potato theory that I work best under pressure and when I work best at work, it is always directly proportional to my academe life. Why potato? Because it is my comfort food although others kinda hate it due to carbo overload; 2) It gets me off some things - diversion kumbaga! 3) Time flies when you are busy. Before everone knows it, September na! Wake me up when September ends but I hope I’ll be sleepwalking as early as July; 4) Pressures humble me because all the more I tend to pray harder (naks! may ganong factor? Seriously!). 5) Mabilis mawawala ang cheekfats ko!

Early today, we had a lecture on Value Stream Mapping. Shame on me for being a Productivity Lead I didn’t know what takt time is. What it’s etymological meaning at least.  It’s actually a German word for heartbeat. Interesting right? So they use it to pulse what the customer wants. Hmmm.. Emcee likes that! So what does my heartbeat tell me now? Will somebody please pulse me? (Emcee’s thought bubble showing: she needs company this hour because there’s just so many things she needs to pour out pero tulog na ang roommates nya, hindi man lang siya makasama sa lunch break sa officemates nya,  sawa na siya sa FB apps, walang ibang bukambibig ang partner nya kundi business so di sya makasingit ng mellow chikahan, masyadong masaya ang yosi buddy nya para magpaka-emo sya, so magba-blog na lang siya!). I love you blog! Journal writing the old fashion way is just so.. well, old fashion. I can’t think well with a pen nowadays (Realization 1 of the year: the reason I’m not doing well in school is because only few teachers allow us to use our laptops during exams. I work best in front of a computer pa naman.)

Bee-tee-dub, I haven’t taken any alchy this year! I know it’s too soon to tell. Jan 4/5 pa lang and every single person I’ve shared this ‘revolution’ with laughs. But hey, I’ve said no to alchy on two parties this year! I’m just happy for that.

Bee-tee-dub two: Arce and I have a wait for it… WOW idea for our next team building. We plan to go to casino (oh my) one of these days but when he learned I have a poker set, he wants to have a poker night with the OMG instead. I suggested a Strip Poker but we will have someone else strip for us when we lose. Ending: AVATAR strip poker: When Avatar goes to Las Vegas Party Po-po-po-poker night! I see you! Wow right?

Bee-tee-dub three: I love Fr. Noni. Oh my, I’m not sure if this is his name. I love him yet I don’t know his name. haha.. His homily is just food for the soul. Same goes for Fr. Orbos.

Realization 2: I can’t believe I’m discussing work, alcohol, gambling and favorite priests in one blog. 2010! Anong ginawa mo kay Emcee?

*Ang mga nabanggit na salaysay ay epekto lamang ng kakulangan sa tulog at sobrang kape.

wake me up when sept ends

January 2, 2010

In a few hours’ time, after my sleep I’ll be heading to Manila again. After 3 whole seasons of Lost, most-updated episodes of How I Met Your Mother, few episodes of Soulmates (oh yeah, I also tries Korean DVD! Something Tin lent me for the holidays), bags and bags of potato chips, megacalorie overload of lechon, pasta, fruits, chocolates, Green Christmas Party, Ube New Year Party, Laguna Swimming Party, I’ll be back to that thing that always happens… life. So much for a retreat before a year of smorgasbord of dreams,  decisions, realizations and anything in between. This is not simply ‘just another’ year for that because this time, this is going to be different. A lot different. I’m not being clairvoyant (hehehe.. although that would be interesting) but I just know that certainly this year will progress with a BANG!

I’ll try to blog as often as I can because I’ll try to make this site my retreat  (or my GOLDEN journal can come handy this time). I know I may like it better when I hear myself out and go into a discourse with my sounding boards but I think this should be a good change!

So wake me when September ends. By that time, hopefully, I’ve already finished MBA, served my bond, on my 5th year in the company and serving my 30-day notice. Who knows, I may also be packing my things up, about to travel somewhere  all suit up with 2 tickets for me and my guy. So much for wishful thinking!