emotional diarrhea

Finally, i.ph is up again. I’ve been wanting to write for weeks. I miss the times when every time there is something interesting, I mentally picture myself writing about it. I miss the times when I can re-read previous posts and relive the bittersweet memories. I miss the times when I love over-analyzing myself - my srengths and weaknesses, my passion, my habits, my idiosyncrasies. Now I think, my friends are doing this for me. I miss being the drama queen. What a thing to miss?

These 2 weeks, every time I planned to write, either something more important (who defines what is important anyway?) came up or I lose the drive to share or the site was down. But now, I can just pour all my heart’s content and share for sharing sake.

This February, I’m feeling loose emotions, LBM version of my emotional health. I don’t know what I ate or what ate me.. hehe. Maybe it’s because it’s February. Maybe bacause February always reminds me of the good time and the bad habits of my beloved LB life. Maybe because I’m halfway through the sem. Maybe bacause February is just 28 days and I didn’t think anything interesting can happen. Maybe because I’ve watched too many movies and one way or another I saw pieces of myself in those films. Maybe, like diarrhea, I cannot digest my emotions kaya sabog. haha

LB Life

I used to look forward to FebFair so much but now I’ve missed Fair two years in a row. I remember then that I actually resigned from my 1st job in December so I could be assured I’d go the LB for the Fair. Yearning for LB life was in fact the major reason I left the company. I was corporate-culture-shocked and there were various times I wished college life were 10 years and not just 4.  I remember taking Vacation Leaves just to go to LB. My officemates even found it ridiculous how much I held on to my LB college life. For me, it was not just a mere college life, it was LB college life and no amount of explanation could make them understand how I feel towards my beloved campus. LB memories were my source of fond memories but at the same time the cause of my quarter life crisis.

I said I did not want to go to LB because anyway, I meet my friends whom I met in LB anywhere anyway. My disinterest worsened when Beng and Cesar left the country. But I guess my lost of interest is brought by my fear that if I go to LB, I might start missing the lifestyle again and my QLC would come back. I know it’s weird but when a friend asked if I’d go to LB this year, I told him that going to LB is heartbreaking. I don’t know why I said that. Perhaps some power of the mind worked because I had fever during the FebFair and that gave me all the concrete alibi to miss another LB event.

But then one day, a classmate commented during my side comments and mockeries, “LB ka nga!” I was shocked in a nice way. I was saying to myself, you can take me out of LB but you cannot take the LB out of me. Maybe someday I’ll go to LB again, perhaps in a spontaneous moment where I just want to pig out on genuine LB food, drink at the tambayan, sit-in on Econ lectures, heart-to-heart kwentuhan with brods and sisses.

Slumdog Millionaire

I watched the film 3 weeks ago and I loved it. Yes, even the choreographed dance at the end. The concept of destiny, kismet, fate or anything written by the Invisible Hand (not Adam Smith’s version… hehe) has always had a strong appeal to me. The plot was well written. It really was written. It was not just the rugs-to-riches and conquer of great love story that gave it a strong charm to me. I guess it’s the scintilla of hope it brings that the least the life can offer are happy endings. Life is good, not always winning-moment-great, but i-could-have-lost-this-round-but-I-didn’t-good. Sometimes, we just have to trust that somwhere down the road there is a humble explanation for things. In retrospect we can always connect the dots. Life happens because that’s the normal course of things.

He’s Not Just That Into You

I like the movie. A must-see not just to enlighten ladies but to guys as well. It’s not a revolutionary film with a never-heard-before plot but is heartwarming in so many ways.

I almost cried in Beth and Neil’s story. You do not need a marriage to make a relationship work. It may be just a nice-to-have but sometimes you need to make unpopular choices for someone you love. My feelings towards marriage always changes. Perhaps because I have never been put on the spot to decide on it so I never really put a big thought on my strong opinion on it. Probably, we do not need to have a stand on it. Perhaps taking an opinion on it is an overwork because maintaining relationships to begin with is tough already, how much more a committed lifetime engagement?

They say Gigi and Alex story was quite predictable but I really thought that Alex was not into Gigi. He’s just a friend. We really cannot put a formula on how people in a relationship think and act.  Well, it made me wonder if I am part of the statistics, just a mere rule or am I an exemption? Which is a better fate?