no return

I don’t want this to be a rant site but I just can’t help it. I officially hate my job! Unfortunately, I can’t even share this to my friends in the office because I have a feeling that they are getting tired of me. Who aren’t? I’m really really tired! Tired and demotivated. Last night, I can’t sleep even though I was really exhausted. I was really frustrated and near-tears out of frustration and anxiety.

Any reaction is futile. I can’t resign anyway because I have a two-year contract because of that damn US trip!  I didn’t want that in the first place but they insisted because it was operational requirement blah blah blah. I knew that this would happen. Oh well, nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi.

I said to my boss that I was a commitment-phobe that’s why I don’t want to commit myself in this company for the next two years. Commitment freaks me out because there is the fear of the unknown. Now I am commited to this job and the unknown is finally realized. Will somebody please help me?

I don’t know what kind of help I need. I need prayers definitely. I need prayer warriors. I need someone to hear me out but I fear that my friends will get tired of all these. I need money ( I checked that I need to pay close to 200k if I wanted to leave) but fluching that big amount of money is ridiculous. With the financial crisis and all, will there be a compny willing to hire me and pay for my bond? Help me oh Lord!