do i really have to put a title here?

November 30, 2008

Gone were the days when I would blog once to twice a week. Then, every time there seemed to be an exciting thing or even a mere realization of my mundane existence, I blogged. Every time I felt there was an achievement, or whetehr there was a suddern attack of anxiety or underachievement, I blogged. Every time there was  something I feel worth writing or just worth sharing for sharing sake, I blogged.

Now, I don’t know. Blogging lately seems to be a rite of passage of a month. Oh new month, I better blog to keep my site updated. I don’t know what lead to this but I remember there was a when that I said if I was just to blog about rants about work, sudden low self-esteem attacks, nega-what-have-you’s, I better not blog at all. But then what is to write about. If I just write all about the good stuff, the likelihood of my blogging will be low and my readers would feel that they are just reading some quarter-life fairytales. That would make me a predictable storyteller (read: boring). Oh well, I miss blogging! I miss the days when there are aha’s in my day. Eureka! This is a blog-worthy experience!

A friend asked me why I want to keep my blog anonymous but my url obviously has my name on it.  I don’t know. I guess want to keep the privacy. Why blog then if I want to keep my privacy? Oh well, my blogging is the serious side of me that few people know and I want to keep it that way.

Also, my blog has no identity. I want it to have some. All the things I write are random things under the sun. I want to have a statement. Oh well writing alone about anything under the sun is hard for me lately, how much more for a “statement writing”? Until the bloga (blogging goddess) bestows me some blogging spirit, I shall think of better things to write. Have a great December blogsy friends!

blindness and amnesia

November 18, 2008

I finished reading Blindness by Saramago yesterday. I was so great, probably my best-read book for this year. The twist of the story is so great and the emotions are so vibrant and real. I think this is the start of my friendship with Jose Saramago. It’s just so difficult to find his books. (Last year I put his writings in my Christmas wishlist in the office, poor monito!)

One book I also love is 100 years of Solitude. There was a story there about a community suddenly having amnesia. And for them to remember names of things around them, they label it. Eventually though the letters in the labels no longer make sense because of the amnesia attack.

Anyway, what am I trying to drive at here. Oh well, I was just reminded of a freaky question. Someone asked me what would be the most dreadful sickness I can have. I said it’s amnesia or blindness. I can take lung cancer, liver cancer, breast cancer because I have high potential of getting them anyway but Amnesia/Alzheimer’s and/or blindness would want me to die right away the moment I learn that I have it. That is such a strong statement but I am not taking it back.

I am so used to independence and blindness will make me depend too much on others. I know blindness does not make me an invalid but there are just to many things that I depend on my sight to get done. Also, I love books and I see myself growing old reading and writing. What now after blindness. Braille reading is, I think, difficult to learn. Audio-book is not so much fun.

I have no claim to the worldly richness but I have the riches memories with the family and friends. Sometimes, when I am reminiscing the past alone to kill time, I simply can’t help but smile or laugh to the surprise of people around me. Precious moments are one thing, remembering those precious moments is another and is a great wonder of human nature. I can’t imagine growing old without these memories. I see myself telling my grandkids (yeah, I’m gonna have those - parang bibilhin lang e) of how gaga their lola can get. Imagine life without those memories. Emcee? Emcee who?

What if someone I love got struck with these two diseases? Oh well, I would have done what the eye doctor’s wife did in the book. I would have done what any person who loves would do. I would have wished it was just me struck by the ailment. But until I haven’t found someone whom I’m willing to stay with despite my Amnesia/Blindness, I will stick to my earlier statement.

I hope those who read this can read the book and can find someone who’s willing to stick around with them like the doctor’s wife in the book.

benchingko

November 10, 2008

Today is my birthday. I’m now 25! Quarter of a century. Wow! I can’t believe that. It’s like a milestone. I can now have Quarterlife Crisis Tantrums and hopefully my friends won’t mind.  Right?

When I was younger, growing up sounds fun. Growing up until the age of 19! Then when you hit 20, birthdays become a rite of passage. Just something that will happen yearly whether you like it or not. But the sucker for celebrations in me just never died too soon. I have month-long celebrations normally, with housemates, with BJs, with EconSoc, with sisses from DLS, with officemates, with family, with what-have-yous. It never died too soon until 2008 and I can’t believe it. For the longest time I said that I wanted to have a bonggacious 25th birthday celeb. This year in fact has been the best year so far but I don’t know. Maybe October flew fast and I had not had time to plan. Maybe the the persons I used to celebrate it with are either not here, don’t want to celebrate or busy. Maybe I’m getting over the drama queen mode.

Maybe it’s too soon to tell! May my system is just missing the allowed alcohol content that’s why I’m having these thoughts.