image counts

I once said that perhaps my current job is the dizizit job I’ve been looking for. When Grace told me that one time in class, I remember answering "For Now". It’s a title of one of the songs in the Avenue Q soundtrack (which was a regular playlist for me in 2007). Yes it’s an ideal job for now because it somehow adjusts to my acad sked and not the other way around. I know many would exchange with my position anytime because my boss is super-motherly OK, my workload is tolerable-OK, my function allows me a lot of perks.

So why do I want to leave an ideal job (again!). Well, I’m not actually leaving but I’ve applied to another post internally which of course will report to another (not very motherly-OK) boss with a completely crazy function and schedule. It’s because I’m getting bored and I want to feel the adrenaline rush again of being unbelievable busy. My days are so complacent lately that I have the plan laid out for the next couple of months which isn’t hard to forecast since it will just be vacation from class, some summer outings and the regular rhythmic things I do at work. I know I’m crazy I don’t find my current life crazy enough and I want a crazier life. Crazy!

Actually nothing is sure yet. Of course there is an OA screening process. But so far, I was part of the top 2 who are shortlisted. Tough luck! But then again, this afternoon, one of the the big bosses talked to me and told me that they are also considering my outside-work life. Regarding acads, I am very willing to adjust and take less load and extend my studies. But what surprised me was that he was not referring to that. They know that I can be outgoing at times and that I have a lot of friends in different departments. I know that they have reasons for considering those things. My "lifestyle" might put me in a difficult situation in implementing projects but somehow I felt I was judged wrongly. I am living the lifestyle I have because my work allows me such luxuries. Those ‘extras’ are the ones that adjust to my ‘basics’ and not the other way around. Kaoffend sila!

Image counts!

I’m a fun-loving, adventure-seeking, alcoholic party girl but give me a good book and I can be on my own the whole day. I have a messy room and closet but when it comes to work I’m very OC. I can be super apathetic on things (like my Marketing class) but when I’m into something, it really shows (like my Econ because of Yu.. hehe). I’m a walking satellite for chismis but when someone tells me a secret, I keep it. I may act like a bunso when I’m carefree-party mode but I’m a responsible panganay when I plan and act. I’m either your best friend or your worst enemy!

I’m a walking contradiction and I said that it’s one of my assets but now I’m not too sure. At the start I was actually half-hearted to push through so I don’t care if I don’t get the post. I care that I don’t get the post on the basis of my personal life even if I have the potential. Kasalan ko bang marunong akong mag-enjoy! Kasalanan ko bang maging energetic? Di ba more energy mas happy?!

adik

Wala lang. I hardly watch TV. Minsan ka na nga lang manonood, ang maririnig mo pa sa TV e ung anak Mayor Lim ay drug addict daw. Flaskback galore saken ung time na nagpapaint pa si Fudra sa mga bahay ng mga pusher (pati ba adik?). Napamura talaga ako! Nyetang anak yan!

practicing fin mgt

I’ve been accounting my expenses for the past months but I have never incorporated finance management. Poor me! Since it’s already summer time and there are lots of activities to save up for, it’s high time that I manage my finances. So help me God!

I was surprised to find out that I spend 10% for transpo. Mind you! I rarely take the cab. I only spend 15% on food and all the rest goes to miscellaneous expenses which I grouped into coffee (hehe), beauty & wellness (shopping, peds), books, misc (unclassified: movies, medicine, gimik, oot trips), phone bill, laundry expenses and gifts (family treat, barkada treat). WTP! Di pala ako nakakatipid sa buhay!

In fairness, compared to my expenses in Dec & Jan, I’ve cut down my expenses slightly. Makes me think that this accounting thing helps. O mapera lang ako ng December? hehe. Sana December na ulit!

disorder?

Something is wrong with my system. Alcohol and coffee have reverse effects on me. Everytime I drink alcoholic drinks, I find it hard to sleep but I get the hang over. Coffee doesn’t help me keep awake. What’s wrong with me. Dahil ba bipolar akong tao?

chinese curse

When someone wishes that you have everything you ask for, it’s not a blessing. It’s a curse. It’s the chinese curse. Thought for the week: be careful for what you ask for you might just get it.

When I was younger (younger daw oh) I always felt that most of the time I get what I always ask for. Be it something from my parents or some wishes I asked God to grant me. As Tita Minnie would say, "What Emcee wants, Emcee gets." Lately I don’t know if that really applies. I wonder if anyone I know gets really what he wants.

When I graduated I prayed so hard that I could make it to SMB. I did but eventually I quit for the most mababaw reasons. Then I asked God to give me a research-related post. I got UNDP-funded project. I was in heaven when I got that project. But then I realized that that was still not the job I was looking for. After that I stopped asking for personal petitions in prayers. I feared that I always got what I wanted and it’s a shame that later on I regret asking for it. Aba! Namimihasa ka na Emcee. Wag ka na lang humingi! So I just pray that God lead me to His will. Then I got into the habit of praying for personal intentions of friends because I heard somewhere that when at least 2 people gather in His name, His powers will be stronger. Something to that effect. I felt it also works that way in petitions. hehe

So what am I trying to drive at. Well, nothing profound! It’s just that I don’t know what to ask anymore. I feel like the options of my life are so dichotomous. Black or white. Either I have it or I don’t. Either I’m uber busy or I bored. Gaaawd! Is this the chinese curse because I always change what I want from time to time? Mga chekwa talaga!