career at lovelife

Halos lahat ng mga tao sa henerasyon ko etong dalawang to ang problema. Kelan darating ang breakthrough career ko? Kelan darating ang aking 'love of my life'? Parang pinag-meetingan ng mga diyos at diyosa na nagpapadala ng problema. Conspiracy daw ba?

Goddess 1: Ay 25 years old ito, mini-mini-my-nee-mooh. Career! Career ang ipadalang problema!  

Goddess 2: Check na check. Eto naman, 26 years old. Hmm.. Lovelife naman para alternate.

Goddess 1: Korak!

Ganon kaya yon?! Pero habang lalo kong pinag-kukumpara ang dalawa, parang lalo silang nagiging pareho sa aking paningin.

Lagi kong sinasabi sa aking mga friendly friends na 'dizizit' na trabaho ang hinahanap ko. Masyado na ko matanda para mag-settle sa kung ano na lang unang dumating at masabi lamang na meron akong trabaho. Feeling ko ganon din ako sa love life e. 

Dati, ang standards ko negotiable. Para masaya lahat! Pero ngayon parang hindi na. O baka naman nag-iinarte na lang ako kung kelan ako tumanda.

Sa lovelife, ilang text, call, labas pa lang, feeling mo promising na. Nailatag mo na kagad ang future nyong dalawa. Sa career, initial interview mo pa lang feeling mo ayan na! Kala mo Job Offer na kinabukasan.

Meron tayong mga dream jobs/ dream guys na feeling natin 'eto na talaga'. Andyan ang binuhos mo na ang 101% mong lakas mapasayo lang yon pero sa huli kulang pa rin. Sablay! Di daw kasi meant.

Masarap isipin na sa mga the-one-that-got-away na jobs/guys ay may cosmic effort lang ang nature na sabihin sayo na 'You deserve something better now get up and stop whining!' kaso minsan you simply can't help but exhaust all your energy and feel the pain til you get numb.

Minsan, we can't help but wonder, pag may nakikita tayo na mga taong maganda and career or lablayp kung ano kaya sikreto ng mga to. San ba nakakahanap ng ganon? Sobrang swerte ba talaga nila o sobrang malas ko lang talaga? Trade-off kaya talaga yon? Ano kayang trade-off nung saken?

Pero ito ang pinakamalupit: Ang career life, minamahal. Ang love life, kina-career.

Haaay! Sa mga diyosa dyan, kung naririnig nyo ang hinaing ng isang paslit tulad ko, please naman o. Pa-birthday naman jan. nyahaha…

metamorphosis

Metamorphosis. I've always liked that term. Change is good, or is it?

Last October 1 deciding to quit smoking after smoking half-pack to a full pack a day for 8 years. It was tough but I knew I could. That was all I was holding on to, the little belief that someday I can. My friends could not believe I could and they thought that I could probably be sneeking whenever I'm alone. I would not do that. Whom am I cheating? So why the sudden quitting they asked (or shouldn't they be asking, why live it up now when out of 10 times I said I'd quit smoking, I broke my promise 12 times?). Well, honestly, it was more of a 'panata'. Perhaps if I do something good, some karmic forces would reward a soul like mine. Wishful thinking!

*

I cut my hair short. It was also last October but it was only last weekend that my brother and cousins saw me in my short hair and they were really shocked. For years I've kept my hair long. So why the change of look? No major reason. I just want to eat change.

*

When I attended mass alone last Saturday, many thoughts were racing through my mind. I am going through a lot lately but there are still many things to be happy about so I don't know exactly how to react. There were moments when I feel like crying but during these circumstances, I would always be at the wrong place, wrong time, or wrong company. But when I was at the church, I felt that everything has fallen into places and the next thing I knew I was crying. Finally! I cried. I can't remember the last time I cried that much but it was definitely a good feeling. Then this morning, when I was chatting with my mom, I cried again. I was shocked with myself because after the cry at the church, I felt that my tear ducts are always open. I am now a cry baby! ;'(

*

My phone is busted. When I went to the technician, they told me we had to reset the phone settings and erase everything, contacts, messages, etc. I did not allow them to fix my phone then because I feel that I could not let go to the messages. The messages are only worth half a year of exchange chitchats, quotable quotes and some simple messages othere can dismiss as just plain messages but for me have profound meaning. Then just few minutes ago I decided to reset my phone finally without rereading the messages. New year, new set of messages, new conversations to reread. (sadly, my phone is still busted so I reset my phone for a lost cause).

***

Changes are inevitable. They say change is good, or is it?

24 and counting

I love birthdays! I always make a big deal out of it. I'm starting to think that I am really a narcissist because I love the me-day so much! haha…

This year I turn 24. I guess I can't sing 'Real' as much as before anymore. It was really my '23' song. But now, honestly I don't feel any more matured. I haven't really found out that something that would make me feel real. Nothing much has changed actually but I think I have all the reasons to be thankful. 24 and counting… and although there are many things I complain about my life, the truth is at the end of the day, I still can't help but count my blessings and just be thankful.

Lord, thanks for the great year: the MBA experience, the new places, the revisited places, the new dreams, the old dreams I never stop to seek. Thanks for my ever-supportive and loving queer family and friends. I know I shouldn't be asking for more. For all that has been and will be: YES LORD! Amen.

To the wakeboardies and BJs, I really owe you so  much! Mad cows, thanks sa pagsalubong sa official and technical birthday ko. BJs, though we don't see each other as much as before, I know nothing much will change. BJs will always be phenomenal BJs. Guys, thanks for bearing with my issues. Just stick around guys. That's more than enough. Looking forward on more therapeutic travels and sessions with you.

DLS click berks, thanks for making time to meet up, for making me forget time whenever we are together and for making me always look forward to the next time we'll make a fool out of ourselves. Talagang puro time. haha!

Puritas, thanks for making 'the place' still bearable. As much as I hate to leave you, I'm itching to do it soon for the love of the greater force. haha.. Thanks jootz! We really should be calling each other jootz instead of badat because it's always a laugh trip session with you. 

Special mention to the following people. I know I said I don't have a 'person' and these guys are the closest that I can have. 

Rica - Best! Thanks for all. You are still one person I can rely on after all these years. We've been bestfriends for a decade na pala, can you believe it? Natagalan kita? haha

Maui - my roommate, double-sis and one of my best friends, thanks for knowing when I need to hear the 'honest' opinion, the just-so-you'll-feel-a-little-better opinion, 'the' opinion, and the no-comment-i'm-just-here comfort.

Tin, there's so much to be thankful for. Thanks for simply being the thoughtful Tin we know!

Mica, thanks for or therapy! 

and most especially to my soulmate, my dearest MOTHER! Thanks for being truest life form of a soulmate. Thank you for listening on how I make a big mountain out of my simple issues. I don't think I deserve all that you've given me. I love you very very much 'my. You are the best person in my world!

happiness is…

*personalized text messages *having someone who shares your weird philosophies, likes, dislikes *reunions *themed parties *straight 14-hr sleep (sleeping pill-free) *spontaneous travels *mischievous friends *contagious laughters when the things you are laughing at aren't funny at all *photoshoots: burst shots, jump shots, moda shots *saying ILOVEYOU *having someone say ILOVEYOU to you *unexpected phonecalls *hand-written mails *promo tickets *freebies *discounts *compliments on your this-could-be-one-of-the-worst-days *learning a new craft *remembering nice dreams *daydreaming *visiting a church you've never been before *a good homily *prayerful moments *DVD marathons *new books *quotable quotes *shopping for gifts *choosing having more time than having more money *suspended classes *testimonials *hearing someone say 'I wish I were like you' *classic films *writing your heart out *being complimented for your queer opinions and tastes *warm blankets in cold nights *quickbites *power naps *beach and stars *fulfilling work *surfing *coffee before sunrise *sound trip (putting your player on shuffle mode and quizzing yourself who the next song is for *heart-to-heart conversations *reminiscing the past *busy skeds but finding time for friends *walking hand-in-hand

random halloween thoughts

Happy Halloween! Perhaps Halloween is my event! I love black and orange. My blog template practically looks like Halloween. I love costumes and themed parties. I always give away tricks AND treats all-year-round. Yet, I’m a person who easily gets scared. I hate horror movies. I don’t see the fun in scaring yourself to death as a pastime. I don’t want to know people with third eye. Makes me feel that they’re seeing things that they just don’t want to share. This very fear connotes I believe in ghosts and spirits. But the ghost I am most concerned of, the one that’s been haunting me for years, is the one I’m really looking forward to confront. Don’t we all have ghosts?