metamorphosis

Metamorphosis. I've always liked that term. Change is good, or is it?

Last October 1 deciding to quit smoking after smoking half-pack to a full pack a day for 8 years. It was tough but I knew I could. That was all I was holding on to, the little belief that someday I can. My friends could not believe I could and they thought that I could probably be sneeking whenever I'm alone. I would not do that. Whom am I cheating? So why the sudden quitting they asked (or shouldn't they be asking, why live it up now when out of 10 times I said I'd quit smoking, I broke my promise 12 times?). Well, honestly, it was more of a 'panata'. Perhaps if I do something good, some karmic forces would reward a soul like mine. Wishful thinking!

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I cut my hair short. It was also last October but it was only last weekend that my brother and cousins saw me in my short hair and they were really shocked. For years I've kept my hair long. So why the change of look? No major reason. I just want to eat change.

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When I attended mass alone last Saturday, many thoughts were racing through my mind. I am going through a lot lately but there are still many things to be happy about so I don't know exactly how to react. There were moments when I feel like crying but during these circumstances, I would always be at the wrong place, wrong time, or wrong company. But when I was at the church, I felt that everything has fallen into places and the next thing I knew I was crying. Finally! I cried. I can't remember the last time I cried that much but it was definitely a good feeling. Then this morning, when I was chatting with my mom, I cried again. I was shocked with myself because after the cry at the church, I felt that my tear ducts are always open. I am now a cry baby! ;'(

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My phone is busted. When I went to the technician, they told me we had to reset the phone settings and erase everything, contacts, messages, etc. I did not allow them to fix my phone then because I feel that I could not let go to the messages. The messages are only worth half a year of exchange chitchats, quotable quotes and some simple messages othere can dismiss as just plain messages but for me have profound meaning. Then just few minutes ago I decided to reset my phone finally without rereading the messages. New year, new set of messages, new conversations to reread. (sadly, my phone is still busted so I reset my phone for a lost cause).

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Changes are inevitable. They say change is good, or is it?