LSE mode

Last night I felt an inexplicable kind of sadness, like there are dementors around. It's not one of those Quarter Life Crisis episodes again. Just a random attack of Low Self-Esteem Syndrome. No more QLC. Here comes LSE! I believe that I have internalized well 'The Secret' but last night I just can't bring myself to loosen up and just think of happy thoughts. It's just one of those "moments" and I simply can't help it.

It was US holiday yesterday so we didn't have work. My office friends and I went to a comedy bar. Surrounded by laughing people yet I can't enjoy the night as much as I want to. I was enjoying though I know that things are different. Random LSE thoughts kept popping on my mind like I'm a failure and that that I am not any more mature than the happy-go-lucky Emcee who left UPLB years ago. I didn't want to spoil the  night. Of course the ever-reliable Miguel was with me. (I drowned myself with beer hoping I could just sleep all day but my dreams are also LSE-ish. Damn!) So I texted my closest friends about my LSE syndrome but sadly though I felt worse. Reading their replies, I felt that they can't understand me. Like I was going through an intentionally unsharable  misery if there is ever such a thing. It was like a pain meant only for me. I also texted my classmates and though i know they hear me, I don't feel any less settled. But I'm thankful though, very thankful for my friends who continue to try to understand. I know their getting tired of my pathetic drama like the world revolves around me. I'm sorry guys. I just can't help it.