bitter-sweet

Has love become a matter of convenience? Do people choose whom they marry in a I'm-at-my-marrying-age-This-is-the-person-The-re's-no-better-choice-but-to-marry-him/her? Has personal commitments degraded to this level?

I met someone who has an extra-marital affair. The first time we met, he was talking about his family based in Mindanao. The next time I met him, he was with a "friend". We had dinner once and I got to talk to the girl. They were college batchmates. So I thought maybe they are really just friends catching with each other's lives from time to time. Later on, I get to see the girl more often. There was a simple understanding among us not to ask since we've only just met and we can't even really consider each other friends.

One time, he was questioning why we call  psuedo-relationship as "friendship" the showbiz way. Then, the joke was on him. He jokingly explained that they as friends in the legal terms of it. He is already married! Eventually he confided that they were college sweethearts. He got somebody pregnant and had to dutifully and traditonally marry the girl. But he never gave up his college sweetheart. Since his wife and kids live in Mindanao, they live together now. They are both 36 years old and have been together half their lives.

Here's a bitter-sweet truth. Here are two people, each other's great loves yet fate brought them bitter realities that love isn't enough.  The girl was never a home-wrecker because there was no home to wreck in the first place when their relationship started.  I pity her because she's 36, childless, though living with the love of her life can't be assured when their set-up will last. I pity her because she could have chosen to move on a long time ago. I pity her but I don't blame her.

I pity the guy's wife because she was the one he married. The guy should not have married her in the first place.

For some weird reasons I pity the guy. Normally, I would have hated him for his bigamous acts. But when he was sharing how  complicated his life can get, I had a sudden feeling of sympathy. When he said that psuedo-relationships (MU or kayo-pero-parang-hindi-kayo relationships) shouldn't put It's Complicated in their Friendster status because if there are people who are in complicated relationships, it's people like him. I don't know if my opinion now will be my opinion tomorrow but I guess that little sharing somehow reduced my cynicism about what is possible in human realtionships. Maybe we'll really never know what is possible and acceptable. Maybe that's the bitter-sweet truth.